wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
