allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
