god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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