Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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