It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
