I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize