I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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