The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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