he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
