I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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