last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The Olympian is in my bed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
