Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
