Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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