You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
