I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
