It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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