I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
