please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
