remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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