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I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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