she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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