Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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