On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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