I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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