This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
