I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
