Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
