Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
