I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
