You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
