Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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