so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
