Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How does one acquire holy water?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
