Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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