T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
