When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
