i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
