I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
