Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
