I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
