The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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