I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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