woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am available for nakedness
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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