Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
