We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
