It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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