I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
