I want to have your abortion
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
