can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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