The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
