I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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