When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
