She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
