I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
