She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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