sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
