Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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