your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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