Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
