he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
